Our Miscarriage Story – Part 3 of 5| What Miscarriage is Really Like: Real, Honest, and Raw
If you haven’t done so, Read Part 1 / Read Part 2
Saturday was traumatic.
At 4am I am awoken with a gush of fluid. Luckily I had gone to bed and taken my mom’s advice and put a few towels under me in bed as well as had a heavy menstrual pad.
I rushed to the bathroom and the pad was soaked, with some blood, but mostly a clear liquid, I assume from what was my gestational sac. It was real to me now. I was having a miscarriage. I was pregnant for 3 months, and it was all taken away in 3 days.
Then came the blood, and the blood clots. It’s not like anything I have ever experienced in my life. It was very scary, painful, uncomfortable, emotional, and I was not prepared.
If I haven’t grossed you out yet, things are about to get very real.
I bled, and I bled, and was passing large blood clots (between the size of a golf ball, to the size of a tennis ball). The pain was so horrible and was causing me to vomit and defecate. I flushed the toilet and wondered if I should go to the hospital.
We were told on Friday that if I saturated 3 pads in 1 hour, I should go back to the ER. I’m not really sure how you would measure this when sitting on the toilet and blood is streaming out of your vagina like a constant stream of urine…
I asked Ryan to call the Tele-Health nurse to see if I should go back to the hospital. While on the phone with the nurse, I was still on the toilet bleeding and passing clots. I was losing a lot of blood and was starting to feel weak. I asked him to call an ambulance as I didn’t think I could make it to the hospital by car.
I was able to get dressed and go downstairs and meet the ambulance drivers, hop up on their gurney, and was put in the ambulance. I was still feeling quite nauseous and was vomiting and kind of ‘out of it’ during the ambulance ride.
The ambulance driver was trying to give me an adrenaline shot (or something…he never told me what it was…) as my heart rate was quite slow, and he had to put it in a vein in the back of my arm because..well..I had difficult veins, and I had just been bleeding for two hours.
They brought me back to the hospital and I was told to get changed into the hospital robe. I took of my pants and underwear and immediately started to bleed all down my leg and onto my ER room’s floor, it started to puddle. I didn’t know what to do, or to call a nurse, and Ryan hadn’t been let into my room yet.
The nurse came in and said “wow that is a lot of blood”. She got me a pair of the fishnet hospital underwear and a pad and helped me get dressed and onto the bed. She was then quite frantic about getting me and IV but wasn’t sure where to put it in as I already had a lot of bruising from previous needles. Despite the bruising, I told her the easiest spot for everyone had been in my left arm. She tried…a few times, but the needle was resting next to my vein.
She then made the decision to instead put the IV in my hand, which was more painful…but I reassured her I’d be okay, and understood that she needed to do what she needed to do.
She got the IV in, and then in came Ryan.
He was scared and worried about me, but was glad to see I was admitted and getting care.
In came the same Resident Doctor from Thursday night, and he asked why I was back. I explained the amount of blood I was losing, about the pain, and the vomiting and he went to talk with the ER Attending doctor.
This Attending Doctor was probably the best doctor I could have asked for in my time of need. He was compassionate, and understanding. His first words to me were “I’m not sure if anyone has told you this, but this is not your fault”. He then explained that miscarriage is not an easy thing to go through and he has gone through two with his wife (I thought, hmm if a doctor’s wife had miscarriages, then what chance did I have?). He assessed my bleeding and ordered for me to have an ultrasound.
The ultrasound doctor was also very pleasant. She offered to help me go to the bathroom if I needed, and gave me some wet towels to allow myself to freshen up, something that wasn’t offered to me earlier as I laid around in my blood (including the blood that had originally dripped down my leg hours earlier in the ER). When it seems as though every has seen your vagina, let alone watched you bleed out, you feel as though you have no dignity, that simple offer of a wet towel in that moment was very appreciated. She did a transvaginal ultrasound and again…couldn’t tell me what she could tell me or show me anything as the ultrasound was ordered by the ER.
I was brought back to my room, and soon after my ER doctor came to explain that they couldn’t see the fetus in my uterus anymore so it must have passed, and he offered to do an internal exam and “clean up” of the area. As emotional as hearing that your baby was no longer in your body was, I wanted to stop bleeding as I was feeling so weak. I accepted the internal exam.
This is basically a procedure where they use a speculum (the same as you’d have in a pap smear) and use forceps and gauze to take out some of the clots and blood so that you don’t have the gushing feeling anymore.
It worked. I was bleeding less, was told to keep my appointment at the EPAU and was sent home.